My roomate in college used to make her bed every morning before class.  Bed covers falling into place ever so perfectly.  Beloved stuffed animal taking its usual spot on the pillow (sometimes, lovingly tucked in).  Everything about it screams: “My owner is incredibly mature, neat, and knows what she’s doing.”

Mine usually was in complete disarray.  I mean, it has to get messed up again at night, so why bother?  In fact, not only was my bed unmade, it was also the reservoir of all the clothes I’m too lazy to fold and put in my closet.  Every night, I would move this giant pile of clothes to my chair, and during the day I would throw it all back onto my bed again so I could use my desk to do work.  Sometimes I would get so lazy that I’d just sleep on top of my clothes.  It was not uncommon for me to kick around under my covers and find surprise undies.  And during allergy season, when hay fever is at its ultimate worst, I would collect little molehills of scrunched up tissue balls next to my pillow, all thanks to my congested sinuses. 

I wish I had a good picture of our room.  It would be like black and white.  Dark and light.  Ying and Yang.  She had the immaculate desk with a sleek, silver macbook pro that was regularly cleaned.  I had about a square foot of space on my desk to maneuver between my stacks of books and loose papers.  And a black, dirty macbook.  Dirty, in the literal sense.  

I only bring up all this business with beds and desks because the state of my room is basically a metaphor for my life.  And right now I need to pull my shit together

But it’s really not that bad.  It is a controllable mess.  I just can’t find the motivation to contain it.  Just like how I should be reading more science papers, reading up on graduate programs, doing the experiments I keep putting off, analyzing my data, presenting at lab meeting. Organizing my tax papers.  Keeping a record of my monthly expenses.  And all the other adult stuff I should know how to do.  But right now, it’s getting too hard to get up in the morning and do the same thing again. 

I wish Vicky (ex-roomate) were here.  Whenever I was in a slump, I’d just look over to her side of the room and it’d be enough to get me off my ass.  But now it’s too easy to stay in my slumps.  Now I actually have to rely on my self-discipline?!  What, more college, please! 

Sometimes I’m scared that I’ll never be as smart as I was in college.  Every moment that I’m not studying or reading my textbooks is just more time for my neurons to atrophy and die.  I’m getting dumber as I write this—I’m sure of it. 

This weekend has been incredibly unproductive and slothful.  Nothing but naps and gorging myself on licorice and ice cream.  Oh gawd.  I kept consoling myself that I’ll go back to the gym next week—which is what I told myself last week and the one before that. 

The only thing I’m doing consistently is baking.  Last weekend I made a lime tart and it turned out gorgeous.  It was probably my biggest accomplishment for the week, especially whipping the heavy cream to “stiff peaks.”  It took me about 15 minutes and some wrist damage to whip this up, but boy, was I proud.  If you’ve ever used heavy cream before, you know it starts with the consistency of regular milk.  I cannot believe that simply whipping the liquid could get it to thicken so magically.  If I were more of a chemistry geek, I would google this up.  Maybe next time, I’m still too lazy. 

I like how you can see the crushed lime zest and sugar that I sprinkled on top.  This tart brightens my day.  Makes me feel like I’m good at something. 

Sadly, this is the only slice picture that I have.  I think the filling may have melted a bit on my way to work; thus, I have a gooey slice.  Or maybe I need to whip the cream more to get a firmer consistency next time.  Regardless, it was still creamy and delicious.  I’m glad all my coworkers enjoyed it; it was so rich that I don’t think I could have eaten it all by myself.  Thank God for welcoming and indiscriminate stomachs. 

Well tomorrow is a new day, new week.  I’m going to make my bed tomorrow, and we’ll see where it goes from there.